I guess you could say that I have been consumed by the expectations of others. Constantly putting myself in situations where all my value is dictated by perceived success.

Do others think I am doing enough? More than enough? Can they see that I am putting in maximum effort to make their lives easier? Am I being of service to them? Am I someone they can boast about knowing?

These are just a few of the questions that I let control my life.

Growing up, I was never enough. Jumping from house to house, with no place to call home and no family to call my own. The love and praise I did receive was conditional—based on my achievements or the value I could brought.

As a young child, I swore I would never live my life that way as an adult. I would find unconditional love. I would create a family of my own. A stable home. A stable life. I wasn’t going to let anyone else hold the keys to my worth.

The irony is… I did that. Mostly.

I found my best friend and unconditional love in my wife. We created a beautiful family with two healthy children. A stable home with no fighting or toxic relationships.

And a career.

Ah… the career.

See, that’s where I fucked up.

I chose a career based on certain circumstances in my life that were out of my control. But I was determined to make it worthwhile. No matter the circumstances, I was going to prove to the world—and to everyone who had already judged me as a failure—that I was somebody.

Well…

It appears I’ve taken that to the extreme.

I gave every second I could to working hard. I desperately wanted to be praised and loved for my achievements. I wanted it in every aspect of my life—family, friends, professionally, and socially.

Envy. I wanted to be envied.

Anything less was unacceptable.

I wanted to hear the praise.

“What’s your title?”

“You’re a manager? That’s amazing. You’re so young!”

“How much money do you make?”

“Damn! You’re so lucky!”

“He’s my best employee!”

“He’ll get it done, no matter what.”

And that right there…

That “no matter what.”

That’s what slowly destroyed who I am.

I’ve been told my entire life that if you want to be someone, you have to work hard. Harder than everyone else. Obsess more. Sacrifice more.

That’s the only way to be successful.

The only way to have value.

If you want the money, the praise, and the envy, to be somebody, then you have to earn it by sacrificing yourself.

Otherwise, you’ll surely be a nobody.

I fell for that way of thinking.

Now I’m burned out.

Not in the “I need a vacation” kind of way.

In the “I have absolutely nothing left in the tank” kind of way.

About two years ago, I hit a wall. I had nothing left to give my company or my bosses. I realized I couldn’t keep living that way. I needed to establish boundaries and reset expectations. I could no longer be everything to everyone.

And that became my downfall.

I no longer served the purpose others expected of me.

All those people who told me to sacrifice more.

Do more.

Be more.

Be a man.

Well…

Those people are nowhere to be found.

I didn’t realize it then, but that’s where my life started to slide downhill.

Mental burnout took over.

Depression and anxiety skyrocketed.

I mean… if I’m no longer the person who’s willing to sacrifice everything for the applause of others…

Then who am I?

Am I even worthwhile anymore?

I’ve spent the last fifteen years dedicating myself to people who would never see me as anything more than a tool.

It’s ironic.

I spent my childhood trying to escape being valued only for what I could bring to the table…

Only to become that person all over again.

Well…

I’m done being that person.

That’s the whole reason I started this blog.

I want to take back who I am.

My interests.

My curiosity.

My time.

I want to love my family the way they truly deserve to be loved.

Because I am so much more than a person who dedicates his life to work and the pursuit of other people’s validation.

The premise of this blog is simple.

No, I don’t have anything figured out.

God…

Not even close.

To be honest, I’m not even sure I can figure it out.

But I have faith that I will.

And for my wife and children…

I’m going to try.

There is always something worthwhile.

Life isn’t linear, no matter what social media—or the people around us—try to convince us.

We’re going to figure it out.

And we’re going to figure it out together.

If you’re struggling too…

Keep walking.

I can’t promise either of us where this road ends.

But I know standing still isn’t the answer.

So let’s keep going.

One day at a time.